The Personal Side

 5/3/2022 cards pulled: compass - reversed metamorphosis dragon's lair understood meaning:  compass reversed - what you focus on is what the compass needle is going to point you toward. pay attention to what you're focused on. it becomes your 'higher power' (words from the definition in the book).  thoughts: the concept of 'don't worship false idols' came to mind. reminded of the idea of jesus encouraging others to focus on love. last night's conversation came to mind - focus on love. metamorphosis - you're changing. sometimes change hurts. that pain is sometimes necessary in order to become who we want to be. thoughts:  this card came out together with the one above. I viewed them as connected in concept. acceptance that things are changing and setting the expectation for that change to be good. (My question for the day is always 'what do i need to know or hear today for my highest good' or something to that effect.) dragon's lair - ente...

 5/1/2022 trust is a part of love. technically, all emotions are a part of compassion, but that's another layer than we want for this conversation/message. trust is a part of love. true love of another - be they family, friend, foe, or other - has no mistrust. the true depth of love is to accept another wholly and completely as they show themselves to you. regardless of what you may believe about them, regardless of what you might think about them. true love of another is to know that they would never do anything to hurt you, and that you would never do anything to hurt them. self-love is to give yourself that love. to trust wholly. to know that, no matter what someone shows you, it is only done in love. they are just a figment of that shadow in you, giving you that message. they are the messenger, holding the letter for you. if you can not feel love for them, for being that messenger, then feel love for yourself for loving yourself enough to give you the gift of that message. you ...

 i want donations because i want my wealth to be a reflection of the value of my work, not how well i can trick people into perceiving the value of my work.  i want all of my work available, whether people pay for it or not, because only having access to all of it can they decide how valuable it is to them keeping any aside, only available to those who pay for it (either one time, or as a subscription) to me feels as if the money isn't truly earned. the model feels based off of perceived worth, not true worth. someone can spend the money, then not feel they got, or are getting, what they're paying for it. i want people who give me money for my work to always feel as if they are paying what they can afford and what they want to pay. if my work has been immeasurably valuable to them, but they don't have money right yet - i want them to still have access to it. even if they never pay me and they make millions thanks to what they learned from me. i still want them to have it, b...

 I am intensely tired of people trying to sell me information. This has the same flavor to me as the deeply imbalanced and lack-mentality-based schooling of the '3d' world that these people claim to be rising above. I understand why they might go that route - charging for the work they did to put the information together, the time it took them, the resources that may or may not have been involved (let's face it, a lot of digital products don't require much in the way of resources the same way textbooks do). It just still all falls back into that old model that so many people are acknowledging as broken. If it's broken...why do you still -use- it? All I can feel in it is that it's still being used out of fear. Fear that they won't be compensated and taken care of by the universe in some other way.  Jesus didn't charge for healing, to the best of my knowledge. Granted, I suppose we don't truly know, and that's even assuming the man himself was real...

 4/29/2022 Where to start... I don't recall anymore exactly where the dream started. I remember seeing myself as Liliwai, in Labyrinthos (FFXIV), inside the forum's hangar for the spaceship that takes you to Ultima Thule. Where the ship usually was it was filled with a round area with a bunch of forum members (NPCs) behind a large, curved desk, handing out tasks. There were a bunch of other players/people around and I was trying to set up my hotbars for my alchemist so that I could accomplish the next few days easier. It felt like I was preparing to do a new set of crafting quests recently released. My vision kept flipping sort of between what Lili would actually be seeing and what looked like the UI for the game itself, because sometimes I would see, and be thinking about, the hotbars and gear, and sometimes it would feel more like I was -in- Lili's head, seeing the world as he would have been seeing it. The scene flipped about several times. A moment flying through Elpis ...

 why share this information? you like feeling special. i like feeling important. if others see this and feel their ability to choose expand, feel like they have another option, feel like they have a better sense of freedom, i feel like i did something important and valuable. if others see and want me for interviews or want to ask me questions to get answers from about their specific perspectives, i feel important and valuable. it's ego, sure. it's part of my personal, specific desire to feel special, worthwhile and important. i love to help others. i can't force help on them. i, and we, can only ever offer freedom of choice. you get to choose. you get to choose whether you believe. you get to choose whether you apply. you get to choose everything for yourself. we love you. all of you. all of who you, specifically, are and all of the perspectives available on the planet. universe, really, but we/you aren't ready to go there quite yet.

 why does it seem only some people can 'channel, when it feels like so many more want the information than are allowing it through? you, the individual you, are focused on wanting answers to questions in a way that can make sense when explained to others. you say you don't want to be a teacher, but that's not entirely true. you deeply want to be understood. this makes sense to you. you want it in a way you can explain it to someone else. thus, you get answers that can be translated into information for others as well. it's still for you, specifically you. others may want the information too, yes. and they receive it. they translate it in the way that works for them, that lets them understand and use it in the way they want to. when they let themselves. but when someone asks them to explain it, they might lose track of what they're understanding. they might get frustrated, trying to explain it. they don't know "how" it works, only that it makes sense to...

 my shadows are with me out of pure love. they love me, even through my hatred of them. they love me so much, they will endure anything in their effort to deliver their message to me. they do not poof in a flash, snarling and growling. they fade into joy, sometimes fast sometimes slow, as they successfully deliver their entire message. yours is the courage to hear them fully. to love them fully back for the gift they give you.

 i want to be so strongly in my home frequency that nothing can stop me/everything and everyone around me can't help but find their home frequency as well.

 speaking to higher self: thy will be done this day! this is a day of completion; I give thanks for this perfect day,  miracle shall follow miracle and wonders shall never cease. bless adverse situations/encounters with people as "Success!" They are only for good and lead to prosperity. Thoughts today, as of posting: I don't remember at all where these notes were from. Might have been a webinar, might've been a book I was reading at the time, I have no idea. I still find them to be of value, but there are subtle flavors in the frequencies that don't sit well due to old beliefs still. I don't actively practice these to the degree that the connotations of the words suggest to me.

 what was my soul contract coming in here to this life? why did i come forward? what did i come to accomplish?  chariot freedom. empowerment. ambitious high achivement. fresh experiences. self-sufficient fulfillment. king of wands reversed mind confusing empowerment with domination. don't be controlling. allow others autonomy while staying in your own power.  page of wands a unique individual. nonconformist. independent by nature. leave the need for affirmation or approval. will serve others only until i figure out how to have them serve me.  freedom so strong that i would decline offer of fortune with any strings attached. trail-blazer. leader. a secret agent for the greater good. good at camoflaging. in due time able to transform the opinions of others - sway them over - to unity from divisiveness. thought-leader.

 what does non-romantic love look like? what is friendly love like? familial love? define these. give child aspect that.

 I am a queen. calm. poised. collected. fair. just. compassionate. kind. loving. confident. puts up with no bullshit. ruthless in removing bullshit. utterly important (not more important than others, just utterly important). I am abundance. visual of chakra tree, flowering at crown with large leaves of money. Money tree growing through chakra line root to crown. I am wealth. I am. Utter confidence. Knowing.

 Okay, so this is intended to be the personal side of the messages I post in Musing Message, my other blog. That blog is mainly 'channeled' information. I have no idea if that's the right term for it, but it's the best I can figure out. I've heard Esther Hicks, talking as the collective entity that's been named Abraham (Abraham-Hicks, to be precise), say that she's translating blocks of thought. That's what it feels like to me when I'm either receiving messages or having a conversation with 'them'.  It doesn't feel like the thoughts are coming from me  as I know and understand myself, so I call it 'them'. I don't know if it's just another layer of myself, an 'outside' entity, or what. I get nudges while I type sometimes, and it's hard to tell if I have someone sitting next to me, suggesting changes in what I'm saying, or if it's simply the process of being guided by inspiration to say what is most accur...