The Personal Side

 5/3/2022 cards pulled: compass - reversed metamorphosis dragon's lair understood meaning:  compass reversed - what you focus on is what the compass needle is going to point you toward. pay attention to what you're focused on. it becomes your 'higher power' (words from the definition in the book).  thoughts: the concept of 'don't worship false idols' came to mind. reminded of the idea of jesus encouraging others to focus on love. last night's conversation came to mind - focus on love. metamorphosis - you're changing. sometimes change hurts. that pain is sometimes necessary in order to become who we want to be. thoughts:  this card came out together with the one above. I viewed them as connected in concept. acceptance that things are changing and setting the expectation for that change to be good. (My question for the day is always 'what do i need to know or hear today for my highest good' or something to that effect.) dragon's lair - ente...

 5/1/2022 trust is a part of love. technically, all emotions are a part of compassion, but that's another layer than we want for this conversation/message. trust is a part of love. true love of another - be they family, friend, foe, or other - has no mistrust. the true depth of love is to accept another wholly and completely as they show themselves to you. regardless of what you may believe about them, regardless of what you might think about them. true love of another is to know that they would never do anything to hurt you, and that you would never do anything to hurt them. self-love is to give yourself that love. to trust wholly. to know that, no matter what someone shows you, it is only done in love. they are just a figment of that shadow in you, giving you that message. they are the messenger, holding the letter for you. if you can not feel love for them, for being that messenger, then feel love for yourself for loving yourself enough to give you the gift of that message. you ...

 i want donations because i want my wealth to be a reflection of the value of my work, not how well i can trick people into perceiving the value of my work.  i want all of my work available, whether people pay for it or not, because only having access to all of it can they decide how valuable it is to them keeping any aside, only available to those who pay for it (either one time, or as a subscription) to me feels as if the money isn't truly earned. the model feels based off of perceived worth, not true worth. someone can spend the money, then not feel they got, or are getting, what they're paying for it. i want people who give me money for my work to always feel as if they are paying what they can afford and what they want to pay. if my work has been immeasurably valuable to them, but they don't have money right yet - i want them to still have access to it. even if they never pay me and they make millions thanks to what they learned from me. i still want them to have it, b...

 I am intensely tired of people trying to sell me information. This has the same flavor to me as the deeply imbalanced and lack-mentality-based schooling of the '3d' world that these people claim to be rising above. I understand why they might go that route - charging for the work they did to put the information together, the time it took them, the resources that may or may not have been involved (let's face it, a lot of digital products don't require much in the way of resources the same way textbooks do). It just still all falls back into that old model that so many people are acknowledging as broken. If it's broken...why do you still -use- it? All I can feel in it is that it's still being used out of fear. Fear that they won't be compensated and taken care of by the universe in some other way.  Jesus didn't charge for healing, to the best of my knowledge. Granted, I suppose we don't truly know, and that's even assuming the man himself was real...

 4/29/2022 Where to start... I don't recall anymore exactly where the dream started. I remember seeing myself as Liliwai, in Labyrinthos (FFXIV), inside the forum's hangar for the spaceship that takes you to Ultima Thule. Where the ship usually was it was filled with a round area with a bunch of forum members (NPCs) behind a large, curved desk, handing out tasks. There were a bunch of other players/people around and I was trying to set up my hotbars for my alchemist so that I could accomplish the next few days easier. It felt like I was preparing to do a new set of crafting quests recently released. My vision kept flipping sort of between what Lili would actually be seeing and what looked like the UI for the game itself, because sometimes I would see, and be thinking about, the hotbars and gear, and sometimes it would feel more like I was -in- Lili's head, seeing the world as he would have been seeing it. The scene flipped about several times. A moment flying through Elpis ...

 why share this information? you like feeling special. i like feeling important. if others see this and feel their ability to choose expand, feel like they have another option, feel like they have a better sense of freedom, i feel like i did something important and valuable. if others see and want me for interviews or want to ask me questions to get answers from about their specific perspectives, i feel important and valuable. it's ego, sure. it's part of my personal, specific desire to feel special, worthwhile and important. i love to help others. i can't force help on them. i, and we, can only ever offer freedom of choice. you get to choose. you get to choose whether you believe. you get to choose whether you apply. you get to choose everything for yourself. we love you. all of you. all of who you, specifically, are and all of the perspectives available on the planet. universe, really, but we/you aren't ready to go there quite yet.

 why does it seem only some people can 'channel, when it feels like so many more want the information than are allowing it through? you, the individual you, are focused on wanting answers to questions in a way that can make sense when explained to others. you say you don't want to be a teacher, but that's not entirely true. you deeply want to be understood. this makes sense to you. you want it in a way you can explain it to someone else. thus, you get answers that can be translated into information for others as well. it's still for you, specifically you. others may want the information too, yes. and they receive it. they translate it in the way that works for them, that lets them understand and use it in the way they want to. when they let themselves. but when someone asks them to explain it, they might lose track of what they're understanding. they might get frustrated, trying to explain it. they don't know "how" it works, only that it makes sense to...